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Father’s role in upbringing of the
child
Fathers of today keep postponing spending time with their
little ones under the pretext that on a holiday they would go out or for a picnic and have
REAL fun. What they don’t realize is that child needs it THEN and not whenever.
For the child the quantum of time matters more than the ambience they spend it in.
Father Child relationship
Father is supposed to be a vital factor in the baby’s
development, but more often, is not. Even in Double Income families (i.e. both parents
working) mothers spend more time with the child. Not many fathers, of course
realize/accept this.
Need of the hour
Fathers should find time to get involved in bringing up
children and not merely to provide the funds and an occasional hug or pat!
A leading newspaper of America proclaims that ‘Children
With Father In Family Have A Head-Start In Life’ and goes on to suggest that
young children who spend decent time with their father are better learners, have higher
self-esteem than others who only get the so called Quality Time from their dads.
A study published in Britain clearly shows that "a
father’s presence and involvement benefits the child". It goes on to add,
"Now, we need to find ways to encourage the positive and supportive roles of fathers
in the lives of their children. Kids definitely benefit from having a man around and they
especially benefit if the man is loving and supportive".
Another finding, based on interviews of 6-year olds in the
US, shows that those youngsters who have supportive fathers have a greater sense of social
acceptance.
Child needs a Role Model and who
better than Father!
The million-dollar question is how to convince them how
important it is?
Why must a Father do it?
This must be done in the spirit of equal partnership and
not merely out of compassion, generosity or a special favor. A father must consider care
of the child as vital as his job or career. He must contribute to all the facets of home
and childcare, more so when the spouse too is holding an outside job.
Do they try?
Yes, they do! But in true corporate style when a father has
a mind to do the fathering - he postpones sharing childcare with his wife till the baby
grows a bit. This doesn’t help. Precious time is lost in such an approach. Before
long, the mother turns out to be an expert in taking care of the child and he is still
engrossed in his planning.
Advantage of Father’s
involvement
- Father’s sharing in childcare has its own advantages. Firstly, it lightens the
pressure on his wife. Secondly it provides her badly needed companionship, especially in a
nuclear family with no support from elders. Thirdly, child gets love from both and grows
up without any kind of sexist bias.
- In addition, he also gives his wife a sort of mental satisfaction and contentment. The
knowledge that her husband realizes bringing up the child is the responsibility of both
parents and that sharing is very important for both of them, gives her immense
satisfaction.
- It provides balance. Men and women complement each other – men teach children to be
fearless, while women teach them about the dangers. Man might encourage a child to go to
the top of the tree, while the women would warn them to be careful not to fall off.
- It adds up to the security and development of the child. With fathers becoming involved
with their offspring; children are likely to seek more comfort from them. It is seen that
fathers are young children’s preferred playmates, not just for boys but for girls as
well.
What kind of care can the
father contribute?
Right from child’s care by feeding, changing nappies
or dress, washing the pottie, putting him to bed and playing with him. In case of somewhat
older child, he can read or relate interesting stories to amuse and educate the child,
teach him discipline, break quarrels with other children and assist him in doing homework.
Let us see an example - A 2 year old is by nature an
imitator. He is eager to imitate the father. To make sure that this tendency is encouraged
and proves gratifying, father must be in command. He must act as a balanced authority
that, as far as possible, everybody obeys.
Be careful!
Authoritarian Father
: If the father ever tries to be authoritarian, asserting himself ruthlessly over wife and
the child, it is bound to prove counterproductive. It may backfire, inviting troubles in
as much as that the child becomes either inhibited or rebellious.
Weak Father :
It must also be noted that a father, who is far too shy and submissive to be a role model
is just the opposite of the so-called "authoritarian father". This situation too
causes anxiety, insecurity and several adjustment and behavioral problems, in an unstable
child.
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