Learn to Praise
Recall all those times when you felt great on your hubby complimenting your
looks, cooking or whatever; and how that feeling multiplied if it was done in
front of people?
Well, is your child getting such great feelings from you??
I think not!
Most parents avoid praising fearing it may spoil the child. Praise is necessary
to help a child have good self esteem; million dollar question being whether
praise should be abundant or scarce? Yes though this query may seem ugly, to
weigh the child quantitatively in the form of praise; praise in the form of
positive reinforcement can lead to good behaviour and motivation in the child.
Thus it is not important to think whether we should praise the child or not,
most of the time it is beneficial. But it should be situational, one should
often act according to the situation than with a preconceived notion such as to
A positive praise can definitely be helpful than an ugly comment, it can be
source of a stimulus to produce a good behaviour, bringing about a positive
change most of the time. Rewarding hard work with positive reinforcement is a
proven way to instill responsibility and a good work ethic.
RIGHT MOVES TOWARDS PRAISING YOUR CHILD
° Praise good behavior
° Praise small improvements
° The focus should be on the actions and efforts of the child rather than
character and results.
° If a work is done well, a better praise would be "that you have worked hard"
than "you are so smart".
° Acknowledge when things which you like are done; folding sheets in the
morning, carrying soiled plates to the sink, helping with guests around and even
not creating a ruckus when you wish to concentrate
° Praising steps in the right direction gives encouragement to keep trying.
I DONíT KNOW WHAT TO PRAISE HIM FOR?
If this is your dilemma, than I am sure you are not interacting with your child.
° Spend quality time with your child.
° Ask them to describe things/happenings of the day, you may gain insight into
things that are important to your child by listening to them, it also help in
the brain development
° Whatever may be the age, any type of interaction is meaningful.
° It builds child's self esteem when you show them they're important enough to
° Regular interaction can help your work on improving a behavior.
WHY SHOULD I PRAISE EFFORT?
° When in a child the efforts and actions are praised rather than character and
results and when later on they stumble upon not so easy problems with
possibility of failure they will still work harder and keep trying.
° On the other hand when a child is told something like how smart he was on
completing a task and later on he encountered a difficult problem with the
possibility of failure he would give up and quit working because he doesn't want
to risk losing appreciation for not being able to complete a task.
TIPS WHICH ARE BENEFICIAL
° Children imitate the actions of their parents, so be a good example.
° Do the things you want your child to do so you can praise them.
° Catch your child doing something good.
PRAISE BUT BE CAUTIOUS...
° A Child is very impressionable.
° If words are not used appropriately, a praise can have a damaging effect
° Thus one needs to be very careful about what they say
° Evaluate what you say whether positive or negative
° Praise should focus on the actions of the child
° Never demean a child, especially in front of people
° Never call a child with names especially judgmental (you are a gone case)
° It is not necessary to constantly praise children for them to have good self
° Even a never-ending pour out of positive statements can do damage.
° Praise should be modified to the situation and behavior.
° Consistency: Being positive at times and then uncaring or insulting can be
° Don't use praise to maneuver
Your feedback awaited and the best feedback gets a gift of Rs. 251/-
Dr Sushma Jaiswal
Send us your opinions/suggestions/experiences at firstname.lastname@example.org